God's Quill

One of my first heartbreaks happened the Sunday I realized Travis Greene is actually married with kids. I had fallen in love with him so much, I had imagined severally that I would mother his kids and we'd live happily ever after in Dallas, Texas or wherever he resided in the states. This love started to bud the moment I heard his popular song - You Waited I loved the song so much that I started to love the married man who sang it. I first heard the song when I was somewhere around the age of 15 or 16 and it has been many years later, but it still remains one of my favorite things to listen to… Today on Sunday the 18th of May, at around 4am I was up worshipping, praying and preparing for church service as I usually would and this song dropped in my spirit… After the first and second listen, I literally started bawling on my bed because it suddenly dawned on me… As a teenager, I would wail the lyrics to this song…literally lol “Where would I be, If you'd left me God? Where would...

For the past weeks, I have been reading a particular book that has convicted me, encouraged me, rebuked me and brought out more tears from my eyes than anything else. Book: Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand  I have read about the great courage and sacrifices of Christians who died in prison cells...  the great conviction with which they witnessed for Christ and the great zeal with which they propagated the Gospel although it was forbidden then. These men, women, boys and girls cared nothing for themselves.  They were so enveloped with the love of Christ that they were willing to do anything and everything to not just keep their faith but also spread it… They challenged societal structures, they challenged philosophical concepts, they challenged professors and teachers, they challenged the world and it's hatred for Christ… They did all of these things knowing fully well that it could cost them their lives and freedom.  They didn't serve by convenience, they ser...

I was scrolling through Twitter (X) one day and I saw a tweet that triggered me. A young guy asked a question which in my opinion is absolutely necessary not just in it's entirety, but for the strengthening of the believer's conviction in what we preach. The question He asked was: (paraphrased) “If I already have money, success, good health, love etc then why should I give up certain pleasures to follow Jesus? Seeing that the things he promises are things I already possess” And then he added, “please it's an honest question cause I'm genuinely confused…” Now, this was the beginning of it for me… I continued asking from where he stopped, but not online, just between I and God now… I thought it was not just an intelligent question, but also a common one too…. It's a question we as Believers and Propagators of the Gospel must be ready to answer….and answer well if we truly want to win quality souls for the Master. If we are faced with a person who seemingly has everyth...

  It’s 3:43am and I’m sitting in my room wondering, how exactly do I get out of this situation… The type of work I do is risky but I still do it anyway. I pour money into ads, get leads, pitch to them and hope they buy .   I have seen it work severally and so I have held on tightly to it because not a lot of things have worked in my life like this.   So what did I do?  I have been incurring lots of losses recently but because I still needed to be in business, I resolved to take loans just so the business can stay afloat.   Quite frankly, I hate social media marketing! And yet I do it because, asides the fact that I'm pretty good at it, it's one of the few skills I possess that I have been able to successfully monetize.   But like I said earlier, I absolutely hate having to do it.  It exhausts my soul and dysregulates my spirit.   Having to be online for hours just allows so much noise and nonsense into my mind and I genuin...

Read Part 1 Here👋 I promise I'm not rebellious! My stubbornness and disobedience is as a result of fear, not rebellion. Yes Lord I am afraid… You know, it actually was my idea to do this thing you're currently insisting on. I can remember times when I'd just cry out in frustration that I'm tired of doing what I have to and I want to do what I love. But then…I live in a real world with real needs, real bills and real responsibilities. They're staring at me in the face and it just incapacitates me And by the way this is not an excuse, it's the place where I'm at. Lord, I genuinely want to obey you, but what about the needs? ____________________________________ God typing…. “So don’t worry at all about having enough food and clothing. Why be like the heathen? For they take pride in all these things and are deeply concerned about them.  But your heavenly Father already knows perfectly well that you need them, and he will give them to you if you give him first p...

  I feel like everything I've known my entire life has just been ripped off. All this while, I have been in my cocoon where it was warm and safe, but now like a lost child,... I'm standing in the middle of nowhere without the slightest idea of what to do, how to act or who to become. There is this strong urge in my heart to run back - run back to what is familiar, run back to what is known, run back to what is secure, to what I know I can always bank on - my comfort zone…. But then there is an even stronger urge to wait, watch and explore all these possibilities I now have access to. Honestly, it is hard to explain in comprehensible words because I feel fear, excitement and optimism at the same time. Fear of what could go wrong, excitement for the new, and hope for something good.  How do I navigate all of these emotions? Where do I go from here? What should I do? The best analogy to describe this would be the metamorphosing of a butterfly… This creature may not have an outle...

I saw a little girl cuddled up with her Dad and I was jealous… Seated on a gray couch, directly opposite the television with a movie on - Mission Impossible , the living room was dimly lit, but the light from the screen made it possible to see. She is 12 years old, light-skinned, and pretty. All of the things I used to be. Her father laid slightly on the couch, his right arm draped over the top of the cushion, his legs were relaxed on the center table, and his eyes fixed on the TV. He was having a great time. She left were she was seated and climbed up to the couch, neatly folding herself in a nook beside him,  she wrapped her hands around him, and slowly rested her head on his bulgy tummy with her eyes also glued to the TV. Tom Cruise had done something in the movie and the Dad was making a comment about it, so I turned to listen and that was when I caught the first glance. After then, I couldn't stop turning, not because he kept talking, but because I wanted more of what I had s...

I don't know how long I've felt this…probably all my life. I don't know how it came about.  I have spent money, bought clothes, shoes, bags, jewelries, and even food, but nothing, absolutely nothing satisfies. I go through all of these mundane experiences, looking for something to fill an opening that is deep within me, but after everything, I am still cold on the inside.  There is a kind of warmth that I seek, this cozy feeling deep below your abdomen, a combination of butterflies and goosebumps. It is the feeling of completion.  The feeling of a gap being bridged, a void being occupied.  It's like I'm constantly trying to reach something, but everytime I stretch for it, it eludes me, always beyond my grasp. It's a feeling of “Je ne sais quoi” but not in a good way.  Most times, I really don't know what, or why, or how, or anything even…  I just know there is a part of me that longs for something with depth, something that can fill from the inside out, so...

 Today you show up big, tomorrow you're silent! Honestly, you are unpredictable and it scares me. Sometimes, it feels like today you're here, and tomorrow you're gone. It's as though today I think I know you and tomorrow I don't.  It scares me because I don't know what really works with you, or what to expect. Most times, I'm just banking on chance. This perceived inconsistency makes me feel unsafe around you. Like you don't really “got” me, hence I have to watch my own back. Because of this, I struggle to trust you with my needs, to trust that you will actually show up because I have all of these memories of times when I waited, but it seemed like you never showed up. I really do love you and I want this thing we have to work, but I can't seem to understand you and this just makes me skeptical… _________________________________________ God typing…. “Wow! These are heartbreaking words for a father to hear, but I can understand how and why you'd t...

POV: You've tried everything and nothing works!   I've hit rock bottom.  I have come to the end of not just myself, but this road too. It's a dead end Lord! Everything you've said to do, I have done it and right now, I can't see a way. I feel like Moses, standing in front of the red sea, with the Egyptians saddling fast behind him. I don't see a way forward and I certainly can't go backwards cause there's honestly nowhere else to go. I've burnt every single bridge and said my goodbyes. Now I'm stuck in this wilderness of confusion, fear and anxiety. My mind is flooding with multiple questions; “ What happens now? Am I even on the right track? What if God doesn't show up?” …and so much more. I honestly can't see a way past this level…Help! ___________________________________ God typing…. “I am glad your reference point was the story of Moses. This clearly shows you that you are not the first of my children to ever feel stranded. Do you re...