Dear God, is my Christianity real? Why am I like this?
For the past weeks, I have been reading a particular book that has convicted me, encouraged me, rebuked me and brought out more tears from my eyes than anything else.
Book: Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand
I have read about the great courage and sacrifices of Christians who died in prison cells...
the great conviction with which they witnessed for Christ and the great zeal with which they propagated the Gospel although it was forbidden then.
These men, women, boys and girls cared nothing for themselves.
They were so enveloped with the love of Christ that they were willing to do anything and everything to not just keep their faith but also spread it…
They challenged societal structures, they challenged philosophical concepts, they challenged professors and teachers, they challenged the world and it's hatred for Christ…
They did all of these things knowing fully well that it could cost them their lives and freedom.
They didn't serve by convenience, they served by conviction…
Gleaning from their stories, I have been forced to take a careful look at my own life…and what I have found just breaks my heart.
There's no reason why I shouldn't do better knowing that I have little to zero restrictions.
I have more freedom, more knowledge, more resources and even more gifts than the average Russian or Romanian Christian in the twentieth century.
So what is my problem? Why am I like this? Why am I not doing as much as I should?
Lord I am asking you because I myself can't seem to figure it out, but I believe you know what the problem is…
The best person to tell you about a product is it's manufacturer right? You taught me this…so please tell me, what in God's name is wrong with me?
Is my Christianity real?
This is a very serious question for me because a lot of the things I read and watch about, i haven't experienced yet.
You know in this book, there's the story of a 19 year old girl named Varia, she had been an atheist raised in a communist structure.
She outrightly and publicly confessed her hatred for Christianity and the Christ we worship.
She continued in this light until she met a Christian lady named Maria who eventually won her soul for Christ.
With little to zero knowledge and just pure love for Jesus, Varia publicly witnessed for Christ and preached to her fellow atheists knowing fully well the consequences attached.
What courage! And please where can I find it?!
As expected, she was arrested and after a while of being in prison, she had become a shadow of herself; pale & worn out, she finally gets the opportunity to write back to Maria and this is what she had to say:
“My heart praises and thanks God that, through you, he showed me the way to salvation.
I feel the desire to tell and to witness to everybody about the great joy of salvation that I have in my heart.
My heart is so full that the grace of God overflows.
At work, they curse and punish me, giving me extra work because I cannot be silent.
I must tell everyone what they Lord has done for me. As long as my lips can speak, I will witness to everyone about his great love….”
Now mind you, this girl had only received Christ a few days or weeks probably before she publicly proclaimed her love for him and yet…
She speaks with such burning desire.
She speaks of things I can't say I have experienced even after being a Christian for years.
What “GREAT” joy of salvation is she referring to? The same one I received too?
I mean don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the gift of salvation but speaking of “the great joy” that comes with it eludes me…
I honestly can't relate!
She speaks of not being able to be silent, of her desire to tell everyone about this said joy of salvation…
Meanwhile there's me who hardly speaks to anyone about Jesus except when I have to because of church evangelism or on the days when “I feel really led…”
Varia didn't need a feeling!
Technically, she didn't even need a leading either. She called it a desire and so now I'm asking again…
Lord where is my own desire? Did I lose it somewhere because honestly I can't even remember ever having it in the first place!
She wasn't afraid to go to prison for you knowing fully well the multiple assaults and starvation it came with…
Lord, I can't starve because I like food a lot and I'm not proud of it but it's my current reality and I must be honest about it…
If this girl got saved and started to feel and act this way after a few weeks….then what type of salvation did I receive?
Do theirs come with a different level of fire?
Or does it come with an automatic ability to really love Jesus from your heart?
Do I love Jesus? Yes I really do, or at least I want to really do.
So, can I go to prison for Jesus? Nope! Not yet!
And the saints in the Bible are not left out…
Look at the Apostle Paul, the bible speaks of how he encountered Jesus, then went blind for 3 days after which Ananias came and prayed for him…
It specifically then says that he ate and regained his strength and immediately went into the synagouge and started to preach.
If Paul became an evangelist immediately after conversion and Varia witnessed publicly too after her conversion, then why is Sofia still like this after years of being converted?
Lord, these people seem different.
Their writings unwittingly echoes the depth of love and conviction they have for you and some of them were just 2 or 3 weeks old in the faith
I'm older but I can't relate to this experience and so I'm asking again,
Dear God, is my own Christianity real?
I'm not exactly sure this is the right question to ask and I'm careful about asking amiss because I know then I won't receive an answer…
So, please tell me the right questions to ask so I can receive the right answers…thank you!
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God typing…..
“LoL….
Remember I told you that revivals and revolutions first begin with questions….
If you don't believe anything else, at least believe me when I tell you that you're on the right track.
If you're beginning to question the reality of your experiences then that's the first sign that you're ready for a change.
Then, unto the question of your Christianity being real…lol
First of all, when you received Christ by believing in your heart and confessing with your mouth, you accessed the same type of salvation.
There is only one kind!
It is not segmented into levels and sects depending on who you are, where you are from or the time when you're born. No!
There is only one kind!
However, what becomes of that salvation you received is dependent on a variety of multiple factors and if I am to exhaust all of them, then this would be a terribly long article.
But then, here are a few things I'd love you to take into consideration:
1.. You're saved & called to run a specific type of race - the one that has been set before you.
There are no two same destinies hence the methods of execution can never be the same.
When you read books like this, the goal is to be challenged into conviction, not comparison.
Both Paul and Peter were called to be Apostles and while Paul believed and witnessed at first sight, it may have taken our dear Peter a few years, 3 denials and the outpouring of the Holy Ghost to get him to that same point…
Now would you say this means that Paul is more of an Apostle than Peter?
Have you not read in the scriptures that my choice of what happens with and to a person is based on my call and assignment for them, not on who they are or what they've done? (See Rom 9)
Or did you not hear that before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you and while then, I may have called Jeremiah as a prophet to the nations, I may have also called you, but as an evangelist… (See Jer 1:5)
Now, do you think that the training process of a prophet and an evangelist would be the same?
Or do you think that the execution process of someone sent to the Jews and someone sent to the Gentiles would be the same?
Sofia, my point is that every experience I allow to happen is for the outworking of a specific purpose whether good or bad.
In other words, it would be unfair to judge your life with the experiences of Paul knowing fully well that you do not have the same destiny as Paul.
Now like I mentioned earlier, the goal for reading books like this is to be inspired not intimidated.
Varia experienced what she experienced because I chose to allow it for a specific purpose and Sofia will experience what she has to experience because it will also serve a specific purpose.
Just as your destinies are different, so are your processes.
Your process is unique to your purpose and except you have the exact same purpose as Varia, Paul, or anyone else, then you shouldn't expect to have the same processes as them.
There's a fine line between inspiration & intimidation
Inspiration encourages action while intimidation cripples your ability to act.
My plan is for their stories to challenge and push you to draw closer to me, so I can reveal to you the exact blueprint for the fulfilment of your destiny.
Is your Christianity real? Yes it is!
The outworking of your own reality of Christianity will vary depending on what I have called you to do on earth.
Some soldiers are deployed immediately, others may have to wait a while until they're ready…
Their readiness is primarily contingent on the premise of what I want and when I choose.
I am the one calling the shots!
So, while you are inspired by the bravery of others, do not let it discourage you into feeling “less than”...
You're my project in progress and as long as Christ tarries, I will use you to shake this earth!
I have made my choice. You are that choice!
And when the time is right, I the Lord, will make it happen!
2.. Again I say to you, passion is not found, it is built and convictions are not imparted, they are cultivated.
I have heard you cry out to me, for me, and I have told you again and again that you're in the answer to your prayer.
The burning love you desire to have for me is not an event with a specific date, time, and place. No!
It is a journey, a process, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter…
Stop seeing it as a point you have to “arrive at”, no!
There are just points when it gets intensified by a reason of your consistent fellowship and encounters with me.
You are right to desire to burn with fervour like the likes of Paul and Varia, but then again, take into consideration that not only is your destiny unique, your process also shares in that uniqueness….
Varia may have felt all of the love at once because that's how I chose her process to be…
But Sofia needs a more gradual process because there are things she must learn along the way to help the edifying of the people she's sent to and the fulfilment of the destiny she has been given.
Your responsibility is to stay at my feet like Mary…
Fellowship, listen & obey.
This is the strategy that grants you access to both your purpose and the process required for it's fulfilment.
Do this and it will be just as Jesus said in the Bible…
“Greater things shall ye do…”
Stay with me Sofia. Stay!”
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Was this a great read?
What was your favorite part? Leave a comment for me below...I'd genuinely love to hear from you<3
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Are you a Newbie?
If this whole "Jesus thing" is new to you and you're confused as to where and how to start, I'll gladly explain:
It's really simple!
The first step is getting Born Again...
Jesus is the only begotten son of God.
He lived, died and resurrected so you and I can have the luxury of salvation.
To be Born Again, you simply have to believe this in your heart and now make the confession below with your mouth out loud. That's it!
Are you ready:)
If you said the prayer, congratulations!
The next step is to GROW!
All you have to do is send me this message via email and I'll walk you through the entire process. It's simple!
Email address: iamgodsquill@gmail.com
Email message:
Subject: I just got Born Again!
Message: Hi Sofie, I said the prayer of salvation and I just got Born Again. What do I do next?
Ps: Just Copy and Paste!
That being said, until next time, take care<3
