Help!...I Overthink a Lot and It Makes Me Anxious!

I made a post on my socials and a friend of mine responded to it and from the message she sent me, there was a clearly misunderstanding with her interpretation of the point I was trying to make on that post...

Anyways, I responded to her and afterwards, the drama began...My mind began it's usual circus...

"Maybe you shouldn't have said that..."

"That was rude..."

"Naah...you were polite in your tone"

"Delete the message!"

"No! people should be held accountable..."

"What if she's angry?..."

"I no send her papa.." 

The more I thought about the situation, I started to feel tension well up in my chest, the anxiety was gradually kicking in...

Now, although you and I are two separate beings, if you're reading this article then I bet you can relate to this familiar circle.

Somehow, overthinking has made it's way to the top five of this generation's biggest issue and has single handedly led to the destruction of lives, relationships and even properties. 

This is why it is a subject worthy of discussion.

I'm guessing you already know what it means, but just incase you don't, here's a simple definition:

"Overthinking is when you analyze a situation too much—often in a way that creates stress and confusion."

Now, let's understand why you do it...

Why Do You Overthink?

To really solve a problem, you must first identify it's source.

Take for instance you have a problem with smoke entering your house, trying to get rid of the smoke itself will only lead to a tiresome waste of effort...

The ideal thing to do would be to figure out what fire is producing that smoke and quench it.

The same is applicable to the subject of overthinking.

It is simply the effect of an underlying cause and if you can figure that cause, you can fix the problem entirely.

Now let's explore 5 possible reasons...

(Pick your poison)

1. Fear: 

This is the most common reason. 

Fear thrives in uncertainty and when all the details are not spelled out, our mind usually tries to fill out the gaps, hence the constant mental back and forth.

It could be fear of rejection, fear of criticism and judgement, fear of abandonment, or even fear of the unknown; (Although I believe there's no such thing!)

The point is when you're overthinking a situation, it's most likely because you're uncertain and afraid of the possible outcomes.

2. Perfectionism:

Your ridiculously high standards and expectations will make you analyze things that should be left alone.

If you're someone who loves everything & everyone to be prim, proper and perfect, you may not live to see your children's graduation and it's not a threat!

Life is unpredictable for a reason and certain things will never fall into alignment regardless of who you are or how hard you try.

Perfectionism is like fuel to your overthinking fire.

3. Past Experiences:

I have struggled with this particular one.

Sometimes you experience certain things or people that scar you and for some reason, life would demand that you be put in similar situations again.

This can serve as a trigger for the loop of overthinking because you keep replaying and comparing the past with the present & even future.

4. Over or Under estimation:

Sometimes you can overestimate how much you mean to people or how invested they are in your affairs and this can lead to thoughts like;

"What will they say?", "What will they think?" etc

In Psychology, this is called The Spotlight Effect!

Then there are times when you can underestimate the abilities and capacities of the people around you...

Asides it stealing your peace through overthinking, this can also lead to trust & control issues.

5. Gra-Gra:

"Gra-gra is a Nigerian slang that simply means doing too much..."

It is necessary to mention this because sometimes you're just the problem!

You can see something that is none of your business and still get involved in it knowing fully well that it can trigger you.

And then you go ahead and ask, "Why am I overthinking?"

Lol, be careful!

How Can You Stop Overthinking?

(Before It Stops You)

Before writing on any topic as per my usual routine, I always like to read about it first, maybe do soft or core research depending on my knowledge level...

Now for this subject, while reading different resources, I saw a lot of tips, tricks and techniques - great stuff by the way!

But more than stuffing you with smart talk, my goal is to equip my readers with quality, useful knowledge that can facilitate change...

So I have resolved to ditch the smart stuff and tell you what actually works for me.

Are you ready?

1. Pray!

Don't roll your eyes at me. It actually works!

God is such an intentional creator and Father. He cares about the big, small and insignificant things

It's why in the Bible, it literally says 

"Cast your cares on me for I careth for you..." 

(See 1 Peter 5:7)

This just means every thing that bothers or excites you is of significance to God. You're not inconsequential or invisible to him.

He actually sees you! And he wants to help you!

So, the next time you catch yourself slipping into the chaotic grip of overthinking and anxiety, just close your eyes and say a quick prayer. 

It doesn't have to be anything fancy. You can just say

"Father, please Help me!"

This is the promise he made in his word;

"Anyone who calls for help will receive help."

(See Romans 10:13)

2. Don't Assume!

What was the first cause of overthinking I mentioned earlier? Fear!

And I said that fear thrives with uncertainty. 

Once there's clarity, it gets better.

When you don't have the details, instead of filling out the blank space with assumptions, how about you ask questions or make research...

If someone says something and you're not clear, ask!

If you're about to start something and you're not sure, research.

Assumption is a trustworthy vehicle for overthinking and anxiety. Don't give it access.

3. Redirect your focus:

As mentioned earlier, sometimes there are really certain things you can't control, and at this phase what do you do?

Change your focus. It's really all about perspective.

Assess the situation and if possible write down all of the things that are within your control, now pour all of your attention and energy in it.

Of course your mind will try to bring up the other stuff we're trying to overlook, don't lean into it.

Insist mentally and even with affirmations 

Pro tip: Speaking disrupts thinking 

Sometimes, you may have to move around a little, that works too. The point is to distract yourself, break out of the loop and then redirect your focus.

4. Set up structures:

This could be putting reminders everywhere as sticky notes on your walls, your lock screen or wall paper.

It could be curating affirmations or activities that pull you out of the loop e.g reciting a scripture, saying a prayer, calling a loved one or even breathing exercises.

It could also mean unsubscribing to places, channels, or even relationships that have proven themselves as consistent triggers.

The point is that change is possible, but more than the right information, you'll also need the right systems and structures to enact and sustain the change.

5. Nonchalance will save your life:

I know the legend is that all nonchalant people are savage and will go to hell God's willing...

But baby listen, this is one thing that has literally saved my soul from the worries of life and it can save yours too.

Truth be told, You overthink a lot because you care a lot. Am I saying stop caring? Of course not!

I'm saying you should care only to the extent to which is necessary. 

You're probably thinking "how do I know the difference?" Honestly, I don't know...lol

But I do know that wisdom is profitable to direct and while there's no single criteria for differentiating,

you can decide to focus only on that which you consider priority.

Everything else then becomes none of your business!

Listen The Art of Nonchalance will do you more good than harm. Learn it!

Some Helpful Resource:

On your war against overthinking and anxiety, you will need weapons and allies.

While I highly recommend you have a network of people or a person who can support and walk with you especially if it's a chronic case with maybe suicidal tendencies...

It's still okay if you don't have this luxury.

Jesus is honestly more than enough for you.

Anywho, here are some things that will help:

Scriptures: Meditate on them, pray with them and affirm them throughout your day.

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.” Isaiah 26:3

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

"So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’

These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matt 6:31-33 (My personal favorite:)

Podcasts: Sermons you can listen to that will impart faith in your spirit and peace to your soul.

The Good Fight of Faith series by Dr. Prince Buma.

Start Here👋

Community: Access to support; eyes that see, ears that listen and mouths that encourage.

Join Here👋

Wrapping up: 

Healing from emotional wounds can feel very overwhelming and it's easy to get caught up in old patterns and feel broken beyond repair.

But that's a lie! And you must fight it till you win.

If you think about it there are some good sides to be an over thinker.

What you need to master now is how to manage the side effects ie anxiety and the likes of them.

Everything I have shared today are practical ways I've been able to overcome anxiety to an extent on my own journey.

They work, but you have to put in the work.

Listen I love you and I'm rooting for you like crazy!

You have what it takes.

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That being said, until next time, take care<3