Help! I'm struggling with an addiction…
What you'll read in this article is the most practical approach for dealing with any form of addiction...
If you've read enough of my articles, one analogy you should be familiar with by now is that of the smoke & fire.
I consistently indulge this example, not necessarily because it's my favorite, but because of its practicality in explaining how most times the thing we see is just the effect of an underlying cause.
The subject of addiction is one that fits perfectly into this stereotype of experiences.
I can tell you for a fact that there are two possible reasons why you're still under the yoke of addiction
• A knowledge problem
• An action problem
Within the cause of this article, I'll be explaining what these two phenomenons connote, and how you can apply them in your peculiar situation and get lasting results.
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Addictions are of different types and depths, and I personally have learnt not to downplay the struggles associated with any.
The goal of this article is majorly to give you a flexible framework to breaking free from your addictions.
The tips and techniques I have developed are generic and practical.
Think of it more like giving you the almighty formula for solving any math problem, instead of just giving you answers to a particular one.
Exciting innit?
I was excited writing this and I hope you're just as excited to read it
If you struggle with any addiction, fear not! Your help has come. Let's get started. Shall we?
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What is an addiction?
I don't want to assume everyone reading this knows the accurate meaning of the word Addiction.
So I'll give a formal definition so we're both on the same page.
According to Google, an Addiction is defined as a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive behavior despite adverse consequences.
Apparently, It is considered a brain disorder, because it involves functional changes to brain circuits involved in reward, stress, and self-control.
Great!
But if you were to ask me to define an Addiction based on what I've known it to be on a personal level, I'd say this:
Forget what Google says, an Addiction is simply the drug to an underlying illness which is usually on a subconscious level.
Whether the addicted one realizes it or not, the object of their addiction be it food, drugs, sex, social media, work etc is only but a means to an end.
The only reason you're so hooked on that thing is not necessarily because it is so powerful.
Infact, its power only comes from the relief it provides whether physically, mentally, emotionally or even financially.
You take the relief away and that thing you think you love so much will mean nothing to you.
This simple understanding explains why no matter how hard most people try, they never break free from addiction.
They spend time, energy and resources treating symptoms instead of the actual illness.
The action of your addiction shouldn't be your focus but the intention.
In other words, instead of focusing on “this is what I keep doing”, try thinking “why do I keep doing this thing?”
Humans are highly intellectual and this means that we are basically beings of reason.
There is always an explanation to your actions. For the fact you haven't identified it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Let me give you a quick example:
Let's say You've become addicted to scrolling through TikTok and It is now a compulsive behavior. You literally can't go an hour without visiting the app.
When you're not on it, you feel like your life is falling apart or something dire is missing.
Now, the average person's response would be
“Eiii, I'm addicted to TikTok. I need to get off TikTok”
Then you would proceed to uninstall the app. If it has really become an addiction, then after a while, you should start to experience withdrawal symptoms (eg feeling of sadness, emptiness, longing etc)...
Without the right process and structures, there will most likely be a relapse within weeks and then you're back at the initial point, it would go on like this until it eventually becomes a vicious cycle.
This is the story for a lot of people who have tried to get over one addiction or the other including yours truly.
I used to be really addicted to spending. I would spend crazy amounts of money on things I didn't need and won't use.
It was almost as though I was possessed or something.
At the time, I didn't understand why I was acting that way, I just kept focusing on the fact that I was an impulsive spender and I needed to fix up.
Many times I would make promises to myself, take the exact cash I needed to the market and walk fast so I don't contemplate on my desires for too long…but guess what?
I'd still see something I liked and make a bank transfer. It wasn't working.
Not because the urge to spend was too irresistible, but because there was a reason behind that action that I hadn't figured out...
so all my techniques and strategies where from a place of ignorance and guessing. I was just trying whatever trick I watched online hoping it works.
But you see you don't get results this way.
Strategies for change work best when they are developed from a place of accurate knowledge.
In other words, if we're going to do this i.e deal with this addiction together, you must be willing and ready to do the delicate work of self discovery.
Which takes me to the next part of this article:
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Solving the knowledge problem:
Why does this addiction influence me so much?
This is the first question you should ask yourself the moment you realize you have become addicted to a thing, a person or even an emotion.
Why? If my addiction is merely the smoke, then what is the fire? What is the source? What illness is the relief from this addiction soothing in me?
Ps: you can use these as your journaling prompts while introspecting..
Now we're going to explore the possible reasons why addiction has such a strong hold on you.
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If you read the article on how to stop oversharing and talking too much, then you most likely got the Free complimentary document with more details.
In that document, I spoke a great deal about a certain Austrian Neurologist named Sigmund Freud and how his school of thought is the most accurate in the field of psychology—-in my opinion anyway.
This guy argued that human behavior is largely influenced by unconscious thoughts, desires, and childhood experiences.
According to him, we don’t always understand why we do what we do — because a lot of what drives us is hidden in the unconscious mind.
And I absolutely agree!
To help your understanding, let's see an imaginary case study. What do we call our subject? Let's use Dami.
So, Dami is a 20 year old girl who just gained admission into the University of Abuja. She grew up with a single mum because she lost her dad when she was 2.
At 15, she was molested by her teacher and became sexually active from that moment.
Now, Dami is just in her 2nd semester, but has a body count of about 32 men and still counting. At this point, sex has become a compulsive behavior. She sleeps with at least 3 different men every week.
Even when she consciously doesn't want to, it's almost like she has to else she gets really restless. Clearly, Dami has become addicted to sex.
Now, the average person hearing this story would have a lot to say about this young lady. They would most likely cut to judging her actions and predicting her future — don't be that average person.
Truth is there's a psychological explanation as to why Dami is addicted to sex;
- Being molested at 15 triggers a trauma circle and because the trauma was never processed, it can spiral into multiple issues like C-PTSD & emotional dysregulation.
- The compulsion to sleep with men simply becomes her body’s way of coping. Everytime she has sex, dopamine is released and now her body has become dependent on it as a source of comfort.
- Losing her dad early and having no available or stable male figure can lead to daddy issues. She probably craves male validation and subconsciously tries to fill the emotional void through sex.
These are some of the possible psychological reasons why Dami has become an addict.
Not necessarily because she is inherently bad or promiscuous.
Now if Dami was a real person, with this information, she can carve out a better strategy for overcoming her sex addiction. And trust me, she will overcome it!
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So, how does this apply to you?
It's simple! The reason you are unable to overcome your addiction is because you're still so focused on the what instead of why.
Remember when I spoke of a “knowledge problem” initially? This is what I was referring to. You can't fight and win against an enemy you're not aware of.
Could it be that your addiction to sharing everything on social media is really grounded in the fact that you have a low self worth and constantly need to be validated?
Could it be that your addiction to fantasy is based on the fact that you grew up in an environment where you didn't feel safe, seen and happy, so fantasy became your way of escaping from reality?
Could it be that your addiction to football is because your childhood dreams of being a footballer were thwarted, so now those players mirror a part of yourself you never got to experience?
I could honestly keep going…
The point is this; identifying the root cause of a problem is the first step to solving it and until you can identify yours, you will keep chasing shadows. Capiche?
Ps: If you want to identify the root cause of your addiction, but have no idea where to start, this already-made framework would go a long way. It's Free!
Or book a one-on-one session and save yourself the stress of working it out alone. (This service is PAID!)
Let's continue;
Now it's not enough to know the problem, you have to do something about it. This is where action comes in…
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Solving the action problem:
How do I get out of this addiction?
Knowing what to do as regards a problem is a different ball game on its own because just being aware of the illness doesn't make it go away.
One of the best advice you'd get concerning this is:
“Cut off the source”
And like I said this is a great advice, but I'd love to add a few more things to it:
1. Start asking questions:
The truth is healing from addiction involves more than just activities and affirmations.
It requires inner work, not just outer restriction.
So start asking yourself the right questions
What pain am I escaping?
What need am I trying to meet
What lie do I believe about myself?
Use the Free journaling Prompts for this.
2. Block the triggers:
Now that you're aware of the source of the problem, start paying attention to the websites, people, songs, shows & environments that trigger you.
Change your routine if you have to so you don’t find yourself in the same vulnerable situations.
Don’t be casual about these things because addiction thrives on these lines "just one more time" and "it’s not that deep."
3. Don’t Leave a Vacuum:
Have you heard that there are no gaps in the mind, it must be filled. You just get to choose what fills it.
You must understand that habits don't just die; they must be replaced.
So, start asking “What does this addiction give me?” Comfort? Control? Excitement? Escape? Then find a healthy way to meet that need.
If you’re addicted to fantasy, replace it with brainstorming or even networking.
If you're addicted to gossip or oversharing, replace it with journaling, or talking to God.
4. Create a “Crisis Plan”:
Experiencing weakness is not the problem — being unprepared for it is.
So write down what you’ll do when the cravings hit:
- Call a trusted friend.
- Go outside and take a walk.
- Pray and repeat your affirmations out loud.
- Write out exactly what you’re feeling.
5. Invest in Community & Accountability:
Don’t fight in isolation. Invest in a coach or Open up to someone mature and trustworthy.
Be part of a group, even if it’s just two or three people who pray together, check on each other, and celebrate small wins.
6. Bring God into the Convo:
Speaking of prayer, you must understand that most times addiction is often a misdirected hunger or need for something more.
God is more than able to carry you through. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just spend time in the Word, meditate on it and let Him fill the ache you’ve been trying to numb.
If you're confused, Start Here 👋
7. Forgive Yourself Quickly:
Listen, shame feeds addiction and guilt will keep you in bondage.
When you slip, don’t sulk. Get up and keep moving. Remember You only become a failure when you give up.
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Wrapping up:
Getting over addiction is hard, I can't even lie, but it is not impossible. With everything you know now, I believe you're better equipped for the battle.
You may slip up every now and then, don't kill yourself. You're a work in progress. Give yourself grace! You've got this and I'm rooting for you like crazy:)
If you're struggling with sexual addiction in particular, I wrote about my own journey and how anyone caught up can break out.
Get your own copy here:
If you're interested in a one-on-one session where I'll help you figure out the root cause of your addiction and then brainstorm how to get out of it.
I have just 5 open slots for July!
Ps: Personal Consultations are NOT FREE!
That being said:
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What was your favorite part? Leave a comment for me below...I'd genuinely love to hear from you<3
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Are you a Newbie?
If this whole "Jesus thing" is new to you and you're confused as to where and how to start, I'll gladly explain:
It's really simple!
The first step is getting Born Again...
Jesus is the only begotten son of God.
He lived, died and resurrected so you and I can have the luxury of salvation.
To be Born Again, you simply have to believe this in your heart and now make the confession below with your mouth out loud. That's it!
Are you ready:)
If you said the prayer, congratulations!
The next step is to GROW!
All you have to do is send me this message via email and I'll walk you through the entire process. It's simple!
Email address: iamgodsquill@gmail.com
Email message:
Subject: I just got Born Again!
Message: Hi Sofie, I said the prayer of salvation and I just got Born Again. What do I do next?
Ps: Just Copy and Paste!
That being said, until next time, take care<3
