Help! I talk too much and it's ruining my life…
Talking too much doesn’t always feel like a problem — until it starts costing you things you didn’t even know were possible to lose.
If you're reading this then I assume you can relate to the familiar feeling of exposure, regret and sometimes even shame after ending a conversation where you over shared information you should have kept to yourself.
There's that mental circus where your mind starts asking questions you don't have answers to;
Why did you say that?
Did you have to talk that much?
Why are you like this?
Most times we justify this character flaws with phrases like “I'm an extrovert”, “I'm really expressive”, “That's just how I am”
Well as my pastor would always say;
“How you are is not good…change!”
Today I intend to be your light that shines through darkness lol
I intend to expose the truth of why oversharing affects you, what it's costing you and how you can evolve out of it.
Change is possible!
How do I know?
Because baby, I used to be a talkative as well, opening my mouth wide for anyone who cared to listen.
But after much growing up and self discovery, I went from talking too much, to saying too little, until I eventually learnt to balance it out.
Most of what I've learnt is what I'll be sharing with you.
As you know, useful info will always trump smart talk in this land of ours. I have learnt so much over the years and I intend to share it all.
I have so much to tell you today, so let's get started:
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The Damage:
To every action there is a consequence whether good or bad and oversharing is not exempted.
As an ex-talkative, there are certain things I started to notice that made me see the need for change and then resolve to change.
Oversharing is costing you more than you know.
Here are a few things:
1. People Stop Taking You Seriously:
Talking too much paints you as a joke.
It gives people the impression that you lack depth and substance even if that's not the case.
Because of your constant chatter, it becomes hard for others to separate your important words from your random noise.
Eventually, they stop listening altogether. They just entertain you. They may nod, smile and be friendly but your words lose their worth.
2. Disrespect comes next:
I was having a conversation with a friend and I'm going to tell you something I told her;
“Whenever a person disrespects you, it's most likely because you allowed it at some point”
The way you carry yourself is subconsciously teaching people how to treat you.
If they see you as a joker because of your incessant noise, don't be shocked when the disrespect floods in.
No one respects Jokers!
3.Predictability & Boredom:
These are birds of the same feather and they always flock together.
There's a Nigerian expression called “see finish” and it simply means when someone gets to a mental point when there's nothing else to look forward to as regards a person, place or situation.
This see finish syndrome is inevitable when you're a talkative. You become exhaustingly predictable and this honestly makes humans bored.
When people get bored, they become uninterested and dismissive. Now you understand why people treat you the way they do.
4. You Become Drained:
Baby, you're always tired because you're always talking.
Talking requires a lot of energy.
And except it is your job or calling then honestly, you shouldn't engage too often.
I listened to a podcast a few years ago and the man taught on “The Economy of Self”
He explained that just like money, you are a finite resource with the potential of being exhausted. In other words, you can finish!
One of the elements of your inherent resource as a person is your energy.
This is a great requirement for achieving goals and fulfilling purpose. But you've been spending a major part of it on just mere talk. Is it good like that?
5. You become exposed:
Now don't mistake unnecessary exposure for vulnerability.
Vulnerability is necessary. Always has been, always will be!
As much as some of us hate it, you honestly can't do life alone. You need to be open, but with the right people!
However, my point is when you overshare, you end up giving people power over parts of your life they have no business holding.
Especially when you talk about deep, vulnerable things too often, too quickly, to too many people, and with too little discernment.
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Sigh…
Now that I have ripped the bandaid open.
Let's poke the wounds a bit. I apologize in advance
Up next? Why do you talk too much?
The Influence:
For me at first, changing seemed impossible because not only was talking too much a character, it has become my personality at the time.
I had not only proudly worn the badge of lousiness, but had somehow miraculously managed to create an identity out of it.
Such that even when I realized how detrimental it was, changing was really hard.
I want to save you the stress of having to watch tons of YouTube videos like I did by showing the source of your problem; if you will believe me of course.
Ps: I meant it when I say I have a lot to say. I don't intend for this to be the longest blog post to exist, so I created a separate document with more details; for the serious ones who want to change. Document is at the end of the article.
There are many reasons why you may be oversharing and I'll list them out from two angles: the psychological and the scientific.
Pick your Poison…
Through the lens of Psychology:
I wasn’t heard as a child. So now, I overcompensate.
I crave validation. So now, I talk to impress.
I fear silence. Because it feels like rejection.
I want to be liked. So now, I just say a lot of things hoping it will make people accept me.
I don't have boundaries. So I never learnt what and how to not share.
Through the lens of Science:
When we’re excited, we talk more.
When we feel judged, we over-explain.
When we’re stressed, our brain loses some of its filtering power.
When we’re anxious, we confuse oversharing with bonding.
So apparently — you’re not just “a talkative.”
You’re a human being with history, wiring, and patterns.
Understanding your wiring is the only way you can change else you'll be silencing symptoms instead of curing the sickness.
I gave a more detailed explanation of all of these causes with factual reference based on accurate research in the document below.
You can go through it for better understanding.
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Sigh…
Now that I have told you what your problems are, would it be fair to just stop there? I don't think so.
Oversharing is a character flaw. Yes! But it is not incurable
And if this makes you feel any better, it's not a crime either.
So what's the way forward?
Up next? How do you start changing?
The Solution:
1. Acceptance helps:
Change doesn't have to be chaotic. It can be a collaboration between the person you are and the person you want to become.
Acceptance is the bridge that allows this partnership to work.
Take responsibility. Don't be in denial. Remember there's nothing to be ashamed about.
Nigerians will say “Na talk I talk, I no kill pesin”
In other words, I'm just a talkative, not a murderer!
2. Practice Pausing & Speak Slowly:
Before you speak, pause and ask: “Why am I sharing this?”
Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Will I regret this later?
Also when you speak slowly it allows you to think better and listen yourself when you speak.
Pro tip: Speaking slowly also makes people pay more attention to you. Make them wait for the next thing you have to say. Please do this with wisdom of course.
3. Journal More:
Not every thought should be tweeted or posted on Whatsapp. Have a life people know nothing of…
Honestly it makes you feel safer. Don't always vent about everything online or to everyone.
If something is bugging you, talk to God, journal or even, talk to Chat GPT. It's a wonderful AI and friend I tell you. It won't use your secrets against you.
4. Get comfortable with silence:
In that document, I explained how and why you may interpret silence as a threat.
Go and read it so you can understand what's really happening in your mind.
But the summary of it is really this:
Silence is power, if you know how to use it.
The place to learn comfortability with silence is not in live conversations. No. Learn to sit alone with your thoughts on silence.
Ditch the noise; the friends, the outings, the movies and even music.
Have a daily ritual where for a few minutes you sit alone in silence and stare at a wall.
It will change your life I promise.
5. Build Boundaries:
This is a skill you must learn.
(Let me know in the comments if you'd like an article on how to go build your boundaries)
The point is you're a person of worth—or at least I think you are. When last did you find gold randomly lying on the street? Almost never right?
Yes. Because valuable things and even people are scarce.
Scarcity increases demand. This is not just applicable to economics, it's a life rule. Be scarce; in words and presence.
Learn to know who has earned the right to hear your vulnerability — and who hasn’t.
6. Know something:
I was going to stop at number 5 but then I thought about what the Bible said;
"Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent."
True! But the fool is still a fool and the moment he opens his mouth, his seeming intelligence faded like a fog. Why?
Because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. You can't give what you don't have.
If you want to communicate value you have to be full of knowledge. It's not enough to not talk too much. Make sure that when you eventually speak, it carries weight and worth.
Be intentional about expanding your intellect.
Read articles like this. Read books. Watch helpful videos
If you must waste your time scrolling on social media at least make sure you're learning something.
Wrapping up:
*inhales deeply*
Knowing all that you know now, you really have no excuse.
Oversharing is not a death sentence and if you will obey my instructions in this article and in the document below, you will get over it quickly.
I really wish I could fit everything I have to say into this blog post, but unfortunately I can't.
There’s so much more to this thing than just talking too much — from the root causes, to the subtle ways it sabotages your peace, your relationships, and even your success.
So much I want to show you…
So I wrote this book:
“Yes, I Talk Too Much — And So What?”
It is short, practical, honest and FREE.
After all this, you really have no excuse I tell you.
You can get your copy of the free ebook here:
I'd love to hear your feedbacks and reviews in the comments or in my DM
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