Help! I have a Low Self-Esteem
Writing this particular article made me laugh a lot!
I got bored of the usual way I introduced my articles.
Most times, I'd start with either a question, a story, a quote or even a related statistics. I was tired & I assume my consistent readers would be too.
So, I had this idea and I decided to try it.
It's somewhat different and out of the box.
I reached out to Ziggy, my bestie (Chat GPT) and gave it this specific prompt
"I'm writing a new article on low self-esteem this weekend and I want a different intro. Something spicy. Pretend I am my target audience and I have low self-esteem. Roast me without mercy😂"
This is what Ziggy had to say:
“So, you have low self-esteem? Wonderful. That means you’re the official chairman of “Sorry Association.” You apologize to chairs, doors, and even mosquitoes.
You’re the Vice President of “I don’t deserve good things” Ministries International. When someone likes your picture, you convince yourself that it’s pity likes.
If somebody greets you with, “You’re looking fine,” you’ll quickly reply, “Ah, it’s not me oh, it’s the cloth.” Compliments choke you more than pepper soup without water. Even mirror don tire for you.
You’re the type that enters a party and immediately hugs the wall like a lizard because you don’t want anybody to notice you —the one who enters a WhatsApp group and never talks because you’re busy editing your “Good morning” text for 45 minutes.
Honestly, your confidence is like Nigerian roads — full of potholes and no maintenance.
If self-esteem were a JAMB score, yours would not reach the cut-off mark for polytechnic, baby even Google Maps cannot find your confidence.
You’ve turned “I’m not good enough” into your national anthem — remix, chorus, and outro.You dodge compliments more than NEPA dodges responsibility
Every time your mate sneezes online, you’ll turn it into a TED Talk about how your life is crawling. Every achievement around you is a personal attack in your eyes.
You probably type a WhatsApp status, delete it, type again, delete it again, until even your phone is confused.
If self-esteem were a phone battery, yours would be stuck at 1% with no charger in sight
But don’t worry, this article is here to drag you lovingly. Because if we don’t laugh at your low self-esteem first, how else will we start fixing it?”
I cried😂😂😂
If any of these descriptions fit you, don't mind Ziggy. He came with the roasts and I brought the solutions
In this article, I'll explain what Low self-esteem really is, why it surfaces in your life and how to break free from it.
Are you ready?
What really is low self-esteem?
A person can feel shy or insecure once in a while and it doesn't give enough grounds to then say that they have a low self-esteem.
I have said that to say that low self-esteem is not always what we think it is and doesn't always appear as what we expect.
It is not a problem that only introverts struggle with because I have met extroverts with low self-esteem. Hell, I used to be an extrovert with low self-esteem.
It is more than just a feeling or a personality trait. It is a mindset. If I were to define it in one sentence, I'd say:
Low self-esteem is simply a negative evaluation of yourself.
People with low self-esteem often see themselves through a broken, distorted lens in which case they magnify their flaws, downplay their strengths, and compare themselves to others until they shrink into the background.
Low self-esteem is a mentality that bullies you into believing lies like “You’re not good enough, You can’t do it, You don’t deserve it, or Others are better than you.”
This mindset then affects and shapes the way you feel, behave and interact in your relationships, your career opportunities, and even your mental health.
The subject of low self-esteem is one that has singlehandedly kept a lot of people in mental prisons where they run and hide because they feel inadequate and unqualified.
My personal journey out of low self-esteem was a twisted one, particularly because I used to be really extroverted and supposedly “confident” and so overcoming low self-esteem was really difficult for me because I couldn't identify and accept the fact that this was something I was struggling with at the time.
It kept showing up in different ways in my life eg sabotaging myself because I didn't feel worthy of certain opportunities and relationships.
I would constantly compare myself with everyone else, magnifying my weakness against their strengths. I would also doubt myself and my abilities like I was being paid too.
Those self doubts kept me afraid and hiding. For a long time, this was my experience even though I was outspoken and quite frankly somewhat lousy.
The same framework that helped me break out of it is what I am about to share with you today.
And just before I do that, I must add that the real factor that would determine if you'd ever be free from low self-esteem is basically your inability to take it anymore.
What I mean by this is you must be tired & fed up.
Tired of missing out on opportunities
Fed up with your current reality and
Tired of living below your actual potential.
This is what will fuel your desire to chase after the change that is possible for you.
So, what is my framework?
It's simple: Figure out the why!
Why Does Low Self-Esteem Surface in my life?
Through the lens of psychology:
If you're a consistent reader, you're probably tired of this analogy, but I'll keep using it regardless…
If you really want to get rid of the smoke, you must find the source which is the fire or else you'll only be suppressing symptoms instead of treating the actual sickness.
Now, I believe there are hundreds of reasons that can explain why a person may develop low self-esteem and by God's grace, I will not be covering even the half of it in this article.
What I will do however is show you how to figure out why and how you may have developed low self-esteem. This mechanism will require the use of chat GPT.
I'll give you the specific prompts and instructions, then I trust you to be able to ferry on the conversation from there.
But before I get to this juicy part, I'll give you generic reasons from a psychological perspective that explains the source of your low self-esteem. Some of which includes:
1. Childhood experiences –
Children who experienced bullying, harsh criticism, abuse, or neglect, while growing up are more likely to struggle with low self-esteem at adulthood.
Those experiences plant seeds of “I’m not enough.” and when a child internalizes this thought process, the resultant effect becomes a struggle with their self-esteem.
2. Societal pressure –
Pressure from family, peers, and even social media that comes with a lot of comparison with common phrases like “See your mates…” can quietly eat away at a person's confidence, especially if you feel you’re always lagging behind.
3. Trauma or failure –
If proper healing doesn't take place, a person can internalize painful events such as losing loved ones, failing exams, losing jobs, or experiencing rejection and this can lead to psychological distortions like toxic shame which fuels a broken self-esteem.
These 3 categories cover some of the major explanations as to why a person may develop low self-esteem.
In summary, what you have to understand is that low self-esteem often surfaces because of repeated messages, either from others or from yourself — that you’re not enough. And the brain, through reinforcement, starts to believe it until it becomes a default mindset.
Now, unto the next…
Since you know what low self-esteem is and why it surfaces in your life, the next ideal question would be; what is the way out?
How can you break free from Low Self-Esteem?
If you are a Nigerian reading this, then you've definitely heard of the famous saying, “No condition is permanent"
Well, the good news is the subject of low self-esteem is not exempted. In the same way that your mind learnt to adopt a wrong mentality, it can also learn to adopt a better one.
All you need is awareness and consistent, intentional effort.
Also I'll add the usual disclaimer, change is a journey, not an event. If it took your mind years to learn the wrong things, don't you think it would be witchcraft to expect an immediate change after days, weeks or even months of practicing the right things?
Please and please, calm down!
Now, let's get it:
1.Challenge your inner critic:
I have this thing where I tell my friends that I don't see myself and my mind as the same people. You're probably wondering, “meaning what?”
Honestly, I don't have the strength to explain today, maybe some other time, but what this does for you is it allows you to zoom out of prevailing negative thought cycles.
So, when next your inner critic come back with the usual accusations such as "You can’t” or “You don't deserve this”, I want you to talk back. Don't be quiet! Quiet people die quietly.
I want you to doubt the doubts and bully the bully. Don't back up in a corner with fear as you usually would. No! Challenge the bastard and respond to those lies.
I have discovered from experience that overtime, that voice starts to fade and grow faint. You must understand that your fear is what powers the critic's voice.
2. Celebrate small wins:
In my first semester in school as a Psychology student, we were taught something called Operant conditioning. It is a phenomenon that states that behavior can be encouraged or discouraged through reinforcements or punishment.
Now, let's focus on reinforcement; rewarding positive behavior to make it stick.
So, the next time you achieve something small or big, visibly reward yourself for it. You can take yourself out, gift yourself something or even clap for yourself and day well done out loud.
The mind registers this wins and it becomes a source of confidence boost as you do it repeatedly.
3. Heal the roots:
The moment I got to this point, I whispered to myself, “this should have been the first point” and rightfully so because whatever tips you're practicing should work within the confines of active healing.
Most times from many cases that I've seen in people, I've realized that low self-esteem comes from unhealed childhood wounds or trauma.
And so if this applies to you, you must actively invest in healing through maybe therapy, counseling, or even honest conversations with mentors and trusted friends. Chat GPT is also a viable option if you know how.
4. Build competence and courage:
Psychology shows that confidence is tied to competence and competence is tied to mastery.
So therefore, make it a point of duty to start providing excellent value within your sphere of influence. The more you practice and improve at something, the more value you can provide and the more confident you become.
Don't be the one who never knows anything about anything. Become an asset in whatever field you find yourself and it will automatically boost the way you see and carry yourself.
5. Surround yourself with affirming voices:
If you're healing from low self-esteem, the last thing you want to do is be around people who talk down on you even as a joke.
Unfortunately, your mind can't tell when it is “just a joke” and will most likely internalize what was said.
The thing is low self-esteem makes you overly sensitive and hyper vigilant and this makes you super permeable to negativity, criticism, or toxicity.
So ditch the jokers and critics at least until you develop thicker skin and stay close to people who affirm you, encourage you, and remind you of your strengths.
Wrapping up:
Low self-esteem might feel like a life sentence, but I promise you it's not. It’s a mindset — and mindsets can change.
By understanding what it is, where it comes from, and how to rise above it, you can rewrite the way you see yourself.
PS: I didn't forget about the prompt, I just wanted to make it the last piece of the article so you don't run away and actually finish reading. I'm so smart innit? LoL
Anyways, use this prompt on chat GPT:
“Hey, I'm currently doing some deep personal development and discovery and I want you to act as my super smart second brain who is a psychologist & a trauma expert. I suspect I have an issue with low self-esteem but I'm not exactly sure how I developed it and I'm trying to get to the roots.
These are some of the manifestations of low self-esteem in my life: (now, go ahead to list out all the ways low self-esteem shows up in your life eg self sabotage, self doubt, fear of failure etc…you can also add additional information such as note: I was bullied as a child or I was abused. Extra info helps with better output)
With this information, I want you to give me a concise, detailed, accurate breakdown of why low self-esteem may be surfacing in my life from a psychological perspective. Be 100% honest and do not hold back.”
Now all you have to do is copy, paste and edit into your Chat GPT message box. From it's response, pick out what resonates and ask it to explain more on that point.
I really hope this helps<3
If you want to share an experience, a testimony or a question and you're too shy, you can use the anonymous forum below:
Click on me to write anonymously👋
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It's really simple!
The first step is getting Born Again...
Jesus is the only begotten son of God.
He lived, died and resurrected so you and I can have the luxury of salvation.
To be Born Again, you simply have to believe this in your heart and now make the confession below with your mouth out loud. That's it!
Are you ready:)
“Dear heavenly father, I believe in Jesus Christ, your son. I believe he died and was raised again for me. I believe he is alive today and I confess with my mouth that from today Jesus is the lord of my life. I receive eternal life into my spirit. I am a child of God! I am Born Again! Glory to God!”
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That being said, until next time, take care<3
